This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
