So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
