You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We have started to decorate penises.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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