and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
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I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
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Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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