i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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