if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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