i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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