so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
