I just cut my nipple shaving
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
