I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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