Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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