I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
