Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
this hospital has no fireball
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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