The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
