I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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