Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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