So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
