4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
