your parents love me but you hate me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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