There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.