Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.