Texts From Last Night

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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woah.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  that's not how you spell hell yes.

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  (918): you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you? (1-918): Woah. (918): that's not how you spell hell yes. http://tfl.nu/i519
  Replies (56) Good night (7721) Bad night (1493)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.

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  (281): I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian. http://tfl.nu/ky2c
  Replies (51) Good night (3740) Bad night (733)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?

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  (214): Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college? http://tfl.nu/yctk
  Replies (3) Good night (777) Bad night (2407)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'

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  (630): there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is' http://tfl.nu/8psl
  Replies (61) Good night (7595) Bad night (953)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical

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  (973): Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical http://tfl.nu/uh4w
  Replies (141) Good night (4391) Bad night (2334)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school

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  (630): Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school http://tfl.nu/domf
  Replies (19) Good night (7196) Bad night (847)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed

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  (317): he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed http://tfl.nu/zklq
  Replies (12) Good night (6585) Bad night (1076)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.

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  (704): they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming. http://tfl.nu/eg1m
  Replies (6) Good night (4268) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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  (919): I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever http://tfl.nu/iy56
  Replies (51) Good night (11227) Bad night (1479)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?

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  (814): I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls? http://tfl.nu/unf7
  Replies (8) Good night (1759) Bad night (788)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up

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  (513): It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up http://tfl.nu/rfwb
  Replies (8) Good night (843) Bad night (442)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.

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  (317): In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude. http://tfl.nu/kqtp
  Replies (6) Good night (1731) Bad night (600)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.

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  (314): I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that. http://tfl.nu/dkkg
  Replies (3) Good night (763) Bad night (397)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.

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  (216): Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me. http://tfl.nu/fau7
  Replies (3) Good night (1245) Bad night (384)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey

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  (973): I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey http://tfl.nu/d4k1
  Replies (1) Good night (369) Bad night (538)

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