I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
