I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize