Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
