Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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