also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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