You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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