The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
