dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
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Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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