Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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