im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
