i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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