So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
