i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
