Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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