just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
