I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
