Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
