um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
