Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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