Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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