A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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