Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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