i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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