where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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