I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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