Kiss
Puke
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
