I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
