I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
