Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
