first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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