I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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