insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
