Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
