i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
