you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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