Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize