Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
