i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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