i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
