Moan for me like Helen Keller
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
