oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
