there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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