you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
