You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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