Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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