It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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