Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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